The Old Man at Panera

Hemingway would’ve left him at sea, with dignity...

I’ve become a regular at Panera Bread, in Shrewsbury. Free WiFi. Free change of scenery from the house, on the days when I’m not networking or interviewing. THANK GOD, there’s been a lot of that over the last few weeks. Anyway-this is a great place to people watch, and to speculate on the back story of strangers.

There’s this old man who sits in one of the overstuffed leather chairs here, in front of the gas fireplace. The fireplace that in reality throws off no heat, just there for aesthetic purposes yet people feel warmer sitting in front of it. The old man though...watch cap, pea coat. Looks like a deck hand from a merchant ship. Short, slightly hunched, thick fingers. Looks like he spent many years huddled against the cold, crouched over to light his unfiltered Lucky’s. Looks lonely, his lined face peering up from underneath that knit cap with what appears to be a scowl, although it could just as easily be the hard set of a taciturn jaw. Rarely talks to anyone, just sits and sips his coffee for a while. Who is he? Where does he go when he leaves here? Maybe he’s in mourning, lost the love of his life and is now just running out the clock. Or maybe he lost his love of life, the joy long gone, and comes here because it’s as good as anywhere else....

Over there, the middle-aged woman still carrying the long curly girly hair of her youth, the streaks of gray prominent in the track lighting. Denial or total self-actualization? Could go either way. Is she an old hippie, or maybe a strident feminist still holding fast to the ideals of her youth? Maybe she just likes the way she looks and doesn’t give a shit what anyone else thinks. I sorta hope that’s the case, actually...

Med students scattered about, thick books in front of them opened, struggling not to nod off on the table. Many of them Indian or Arabic-looking, the hardworking children of immigrants or immigrants themselves, here for the education and opportunity. I wish I’d had their discipline when I was in school. They somehow seem older than their years, the rigors of med school and residential rotations adding weight and gravity to their profiles. One of these strangers could save your life, or mine, one day.

Over in the booths, office mates sharing an informal dinner together. Office talk, small talk, nothing deeper than where to get the best oil change and how busy things are at work these days. Teenagers behind them, earnestly making plans for their band, for life after high school. The world still bright and full of possibilities for them, laid out at their feet like a willing mistress just wanting to be treated right. I miss those days...

And me...dressed up from the interview earlier today. Iced green tea, per usual. Laptop open, surfing the net, surfing for potential leads. Long over the fear and worry, knowing that the next opportunity is coming soon. Still, I feel like a ghost, riding the rails of society’s fringe, a voyeur. Observing people, making mental notes, wondering who they are and what they do, what makes them tick. What makes me tick. We are all characters in some cosmic play, each of us assigned a role only we can play. Some of us take on more roles as we go through life, actors pretending to be ?? Or maybe it’s always the same role, shaded differently depending on circumstance. I only know how to be me, but the me with infinite variations. Today the introspective observer, tomorrow the extroverted visionary. Which one gets the job?

The Truth Bias

Happy New Year. Sincerely.

I'll skip the typical recap of the year just passed. Every year is interesting, every year is unique. 2007 was no exception. Every year brings joy, sadness, despair, elation, anger, laughter...name your favorite emotion, I'll second it like Smokey Robinson.

So what of 2008?

The Presidential election coming is huge. Every election is huge. There are always stakes so high that it's difficult to comprehend their enormity. Just seems like this one is slightly higher, the last ante before the call. All you can do-should do, as an obligation of American citizenship, living a participatory democracy, is vote. Maybe a little research too. Don't let the mainstream mass media fool you. Get your news elsewhere, from a credible source that doesn't lead off with the latest on whichever Spears is pregnant today. NBC, CBS, ABC, CNN, FOX, NPR, The New York Times (like bringing Bill Kristol aboard will suddenly muzzle the liberal-bias drumbeat), Boston Globe, Time Magazine, Newsweek, talk radio...they have all either abdicated their responsibilities as the unbiased, uncompromised reporters of the unvarnished truth or never were in the first place, depending. Making your lead story about the antics of one fuckhead celebutard after another whilst our nation is bankrupted, corrupted and downright eviscerated by greed and avarice is damn near treasonous.
Search elsewhere.
Save for people like Keith Olbermann and John Stewart, David Letterman and Howard Stern, Matt Taibbi...speaking truth to power and telling it like it actually is, rather than how they want you to believe it to be. There's not much else in that realm worthy of your time or trust. Ignore the sensational and distracting. Most of world history is a direct result of the principles of divide and conquer. It's all a smokescreen meant to distract you, unless you're among the top 1% or so gaining from it. It's Democrats and Republicans alike. It's Christians and Jews and Muslims and atheists and pagans.
You want news? Try BBC News, or read a European newspaper online. Some of the Huffington Post. There are hundreds of credible outlets. The blogosphere has plenty of analysis and accurate reporting. Plenty of sources out there.
It's neither a liberal nor a conservative bias. It's a truth bias. Just gimme some truth, as John Lennon sang those simple words. Such a simple request. People who do tell the truth get laughed at, marginalized, disqualified. The spin machines go into overdrive to continue pressing The Big Lie. Agendas must be maintained. There's more money to be made. The blood washes right off. Just gimme some truth...I think I can handle it. A little bit of it at a time maybe. I'm just so sick of the steady diet of bullshit, of lies and deceit said with a smile and a wink, the written word just more of the same, the truth parsed so thin as to make splitting hairs equal to splitting firewood.
I'm a grown man, I know the world can be a cold cruel place. I also know it to be a beautiful place with occasionally transcendent moments of love, of happiness. Just seems like the balance is off, like we've lost our way but aren't quite yet too far off the path to find our way back. There is still hope. Perhaps a viable third-party will emerge, another way home. In the meantime, I don't care whether it's Ron Paul, Hilary, Obama, Edwards, McCain, Romney-bot, Bloomberg, Biden...I don't care who they pray to, how they laugh, what they may have smoked 25 years ago. I don't care how many times they've been married or what their favorite movie is or what color they are. Can you find our way out of the quagmire? Can you treat our veterans with the respect and dignity they deserve, and make sure every one of them gets all the care they need? Can you stop spending taxpayer money on frivolity and pay down the debt? Maybe balance a budget, and a dollar strong enough to buy back part of our country? Can you truly educate our youth, level a very unequal scholastic playing field? Can you point us toward an energy source that isn't oil or gasoline, or ethanol for that matter? (Look it up-ethanol is bullshit too.). Can you ensure that the top-notch health care you get as a member of the federal government will be the same quality of care that I get for my $500 monthly COBRA premium? Will you be vigilant in fighting terror, yet vigorously embrace diplomacy as a first resort?
Lennon wrote this song, out of disgust, over 35 years ago, and it's perhaps more poignant and accurate today than it was then. When Nixon was president. Think about that. George W. Bush makes Richard Nixon look like Thomas Jefferson. Happy New Year.
Im sick and tired of hearing things
From uptight, short-sighted, narrow-minded hypocritics
All I want is the truth
Just gimme some truth
Ive had enough of reading things
By neurotic, psychotic, pig-headed politicians
All I want is the truth
Just gimme some truth

No short-haired, yellow-bellied, son of tricky dicky
Is gonna mother hubbard soft soap me
With just a pocketful of hope
Money for dope
Money for rope

No short-haired, yellow-bellied, son of tricky dicky
Is gonna mother hubbard soft soap me
With just a pocketful of soap
Money for dope
Money for rope

Im sick to death of seeing things
From tight-lipped, condescending, mamas little chauvinists
All I want is the truth
Just gimme some truth now

Ive had enough of watching scenes
Of schizophrenic, ego-centric, paranoiac, prima-donnas
All I want is the truth now
Just gimme some truth

No short-haired, yellow-bellied, son of tricky dicky
Is gonna mother hubbard soft soap me
With just a pocketful of soap
Its money for dope
Money for rope

Ah, Im sick and tired of hearing things
From uptight, short-sighted, narrow-minded hypocrites
All I want is the truth now
Just gimme some truth now

Ive had enough of reading things
By neurotic, psychotic, pig-headed politicians
All I want is the truth now
Just gimme some truth now

All I want is the truth now
Just gimme some truth now
All I want is the truth
Just gimme some truth
All I want is the truth
Just gimme some truth