On Living an Honest Life

This morning, a friend said to me “you’re living a much more honest life than I am right now.”

What is an honest life? What is honest and true, beyond our own subjective definitions?

Religions have claimed their versions of “truth” since the beginning of time. How do we really know if any of them are right? But an examination of faith is for another day.

Politicians do the same, grandstanding on their versions of the “truth.” Look where the “truth” has taken this country.

This is why (among other reasons) I have little use for political parties or organized religion. Too often, the truth is sacrificed for ideology. God is too often a cover for the self-aggrandizing of man.

But this statement, this notion that I’m leading a more honest life, has been bouncing around my head all day. How am I leading a more honest life? On a one-to-one relative basis, maybe. On a grander scale? Doubtful. My life is as ascetic as it is honest right now. Does discipline lead to purity, and then wisdom? Does it matter?

We all have our skeletons. We all have our secrets and fears. Some people hold theirs close their entire lives. Sometimes, things are just too unbearable to face. Chances are too great that we could shatter our carefully constructed self-images with the truth. Honesty a cudgel, denial a means of survival.

Some summon the courage to face their demons head-on, ignoring the racing heartbeat and shivery sweats that anxiety brings. Some of us do both, reveling in the relief that comes with purging our secrets and sins and marveling at how big a deal it turns out not to be. Almost surprised to see that life has gone on, that once again day has followed night. I’m no exception.

So how does one live an “honest” life? I can only offer myself as an example, given that the source of the original statement knows me quite well, knows almost all of my skeletons and fears....and we share a unique perspective currently, one that in a direct comparison of our lives would validate the original statement. For now.

At the Seder the other night, as we breezed through a condensed version of the Haggodah, I was struck by this statement: according to the sage Hillel, “That which is hateful to you, do not do to your fellow. That is the whole Torah; the rest is the explanation.” Right.

The Golden Rule. Follow it, and you’ll live an honest life. Right? But what if you find honesty hateful? What if greed and avarice are are not deplorable to you, but rather virtuous? (Cheap shot: “you get a job in the Bush Administration!”)

Thankfully, I am one who finds honesty important, though I hadn’t consciously thought about it in these terms prior to this morning. I just am who I am. I am an honest man. Honestly quite good, and honestly, sometimes I’ve been very, very, bad. Guess that makes me honestly human.

So this honest life of mine...is it because I try to tell the people that I love that I love them? Or more accurately, to show them that I love them through deeds and action? By being a good friend, a good son, a good brother, a good boyfriend? I don’t know...honesty does not mask our faults and imperfections. I could be a better friend, a better son and brother, a better boyfriend.

Or, does the virtue of honesty rest in the continual attempts to be honest?

In the end, I believe honesty lies in the heart. We are each capable of great honesty in our lives, maybe great love and beauty too. Some people veer far away from these, whatever the reason. Sometimes being honest with ourselves, about what we really want, can inadvertently hurt someone else. Unintended consequences. But which is worse: living a lie to spare someone else-or ourselves-the pain that comes with being completely honest, or letting the truth set us free?